MY WHY

Truthfully, my parenting stopped working. I was a stay-at-home mom and my sweet, happy, easy-going infant turned toddler was becoming a defiant, challenging child, who was not listening, not respecting me, and stopped doing what I needed or wanted him to do (wow! so controlling). I felt like I was watching a movie and could not stop it, or put it on pause. This could not be my real life!

After a few years of feeling like the worst mom in the world (he was around 8 years old), I suddenly stopped and said to myself, “It’s not him. It’s ME. What can I do differently?” I had to do something about my relationship with him or else I would lose him (my greatest fear). My other son, 9 1/2, was watching the craziness in our house, definitely absorbing it, and I was concerned at how this would eventually, if not already, affect him. I felt completely disconnected to them and to myself. I was clueless and hopeless on what to do. I really felt out of control. I started panicking about what would happen when they would became teenagers.

Once I stopped and thought “it’s ME”, I became open to a new way, a way of parenting that turns the traditional parenting paradigm upside down on its head. Conscious parenting was asking ME to look at myself (what?) …and as real and painful as it was, the unfolding began.

As I started a deep dive into myself, I had to face many honest truths about who I was and how I became that way. I had to look in the mirror and deconstruct my feelings, my frustrations, my thoughts, my expectations, and my reality. The hardest part was to look at the harsh judgments I had of myself and of others around me. My realization was I am who I am because of deeply rooted cultural, societal, and parental conditioning and limiting beliefs from my childhood. I entered a journey of unearthing and questioning all that I knew. I got curious and proceeded to shed the layers that did not serve me any more and were covering up my authentic self. Through this pain, I began transforming. This here was the turning point in my parenting journey.

As I shifted and entered into a more self aware state of being ( knowing that everyday is a new day and I will dance between consciousness and unconsciousness), I began to feel the changes occurring inside me. I was beginning to know myself again and the light was shining brighter. The reward of “knowing” myself, and unconditionally loving myself facilitates the unconditional love and deep acceptance of my children for who it is they are. I now practice daily to be the parent they need and deserve, brutally aware that some days and moments are better than others.

Everyday, I feel blessed and grateful that I chose the path of Conscious Parenting and Conscious Living. I humbly feel that my children have now been given a chance to live an authentic life. By the way, I too am evolving into my true authentic self…knowing that I am a work in progress…but it finally feels like home!

It is the greatest honor of my life to walk this life path next to my children, my greatest teachers, Dillon and Alec.